


Agent Of Chaos

by OkiAshi



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-19 11:43:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OkiAshi/pseuds/OkiAshi
Summary: Alright, so this fanfic is told from the Joker's point of view. Basically, he's caught by Batman again and brought to the Arkham Asylum. The next day, he meets this girl from his past who wants to break him out. Of course, he says yes, but then finds out her plan is to blow up Gotham, which could be a problem since she wants no one to escape. So he's basically trying to convince her not to blow up Gotham, while Batman tries to find the bomb.I don't own any of the characters in this work.





	1. Caught Again

I’m trapped. Behind me, a cold brick wall presses against my back. In front of me, Batman stands, blocking my way of escape. As usual, his scowl is prevalent even in the dark. I’d hate to see him in the mornings.  
A few seconds later Chief Commissioner Gordon jogs over to us, then stops, crouches low, and aims his gun at me. A few other cops come up to us now.  
“Wow. All for me?” I ask to no one in particular, grinning even more. Batman says nothing. Of course not. He’s a man of few words, that Batsy.  
A nervous looking man peers over Batman’s shoulder, obviously ignoring the fact everyone is crouched down. He catches me looking at him, swallows, then says, “It’s over, Joker.” I laugh.  
“Cliche.” I push myself off the wall. I dust myself off, my eyes meeting Batman’s. “Well done, Batsy, well done. You’ve captured me for what? The third time this week? You know, you should add more security to my cell.” I take a step towards his little pose, but stop when I hear the guns being cocked. I put my hands up playfully. “Didn't I just say that you captured me? You won.” I run one hand through my greasy hair.  
“Let’s go, shall we?” I shift my gaze into the Commissioner. He signals to his men, never taking his eyes off me. They hurry over to me and I put my hands down and behind my back so they can handcuff me. “Batsy, always a pleasure.” I say, with my back now turned so I can’t see him. A cop grabs me by the arm and twists me around. Batman is nowhere in sight. I giggle.

*******  
“You should put balloons on the gate or something. The ‘Asylum looks a bit boring, don’t you think?” I say. Gordon groans. He knows better than to respond.  
Yes, yet again I’m standing in front of the gate to the Arkham Asylum. As we walk into the prison, I smile and wave at the numerous guards posted in the corridors. “Kurt. Jenny. Drew- oh! How’s your daughter? Got her degree yet?” Drew stares straight ahead, but I can see his mouth twitching. “Ok then. I guess not.” I say. Gordon pulls me further away. We pass numerous cells. I know the order of the cells by heart. Two-Face’s… Killer Croc’s…. Harley Quinn’s (Hers is noticeably absent), Riddler’s… Poison Ivy’s… Oh, here we go. I start moving to my cell, but Gordon pulls past it.  
“You’ve moved me? Well, it’s a luxury, I hope?” I say. Gordon doesn't respond. “Oh, c'mon Chief… Are you mad at me? Or is Batsy rubbing off on you?” Gordon scowls even deeper. I guess it’s the second one.  
Two guards move to hold me when he suddenly stops and puts his hand to be scanned. I narrow my eyes. My new cell isn't a luxury, that’s for sure. I look to my left, and see Bane sitting in his cell, his eyes closed. “Batman’s been busy.” I remark. I hear a beep, and suddenly I’m thrown into the neighboring cell. I pick myself up, then roll my eyes. _Why don’t they just play dungeon music while they do that?_ I wonder.  
As soon at Gordon leaves, I find the bed, then lie down on it. A moment later, I hear Bane stand up. Wait… Hear?  
“Getting into meditation, Bane?” I say, acting on my hunch.  
“No. I’m thinking.” He replies. I scramble up from my bed, then drop to the ground.  
“Didn’t know you could do that.” I say. That’s a lie. He was smart enough to wear down Batman, so he has got to have some brains.  
“I didn't know that you wanted to get your neck broken.” He says back. I find a small crack in the wall and smile. Looks like who ever made the asylum missed a spot.  
“Oooh, harsh.” I sit down on the floor, my arms behind me. I lean on them.  
“Can’t you go one day without being in the ‘Asylum?” Bane grumbles.  
“That kinda defeats the purpose, Bane,” I point at the crack, not really caring that he can’t see me. “Besides, you know me, almost as well as Batman himself. I couldn't help myself. I had to rob that bank. It was asking to be robbed.”  
“What type of gun?” He asked.  
“Oh, I just used some gas. It drove people out. I didn't try to kill anyone. I almost got away with the money but Batsy caught me.”  
“Why did you steal from the bank in the first place? That’s only something an idiot like you would do.”  
“I believe the term is maniac, Bane. Don’t be jealous. Besides, I don’t need a reason. I’m the Joker.” There’s a moments silence. Or, as quiet as it can be when talking to Bane. His respirator hisses as he ponders this. Finally, he speaks.  
“You never have a reason in general.”  
“True.” I sit up for a moment, shrug my shoulders, then lean back on my arms again. Then the lights go out. Well- I can still see the flashlights gleaming. I sigh.  
“You’re not going to pester me anymore?” Bane asks.  
“Well,” I grunt as I stand up, “There’s nothing to rob here. Believe me, I’ve tried to rob the asylum, but there isn't much to take.” I make my way to the bed. “Personally, I preferred it when the guards had keys. It was so easy to escape. Now I have to go through the whole trouble of knocking the guard out. It doesn't help that it gets old really fast.” I sit down on the bed, hearing it crack underneath me. I straighten out so I’m lying down, then roll over to face the wall.  
“I suppose. But there are harder places to get out of, Joker.” My neighbour says. My eyes closed, I agree. I hear Bane lying down as well.  
“Night, Bane.” There’s no reply. I chuckle.  
*****  
The familiar footsteps of guards awake me. I moan, then stretch. I turn over, sit up, and rub the sleep out of my eyes. I struggle to remember what day it is. Friday. I leap up, all sleepiness forgotten. If it really is Friday, then it’s the first Friday of the month. Arkham inspection day is today. I smile. Looking around, I see a neon orange pair of pants, and the traditional orange shirt.  
After I put them on (why shouldn't I? I’m breaking out soon anyway) I look out into the corridor. Guards are bustling to and fro, frantic to make everything perfect. I grin even more.  
“Joker?” I hear Bane say.  
“Oh, good morning, Bane. Sleep well?” I say. Bane ignores me.  
“What day is it?”  
“Friday, October 7th.” I reply. He growls, and I hear his knuckles crack. “Awww, why so mad? You should consider it an honour. Batsy doesn't decide to visit every prison in Gotham.” Yep. Batman is coming to Arkham today.  
“It’s a protocol. Not a decision.” Bane grumbles. I cock my head and turn to stare at the wall in between us.  
“That’s a funny way of thinking of it. Hm. Imagine that. Batsy being forced to do something.” I start laughing. Bane lets me cackle for a few moments before he thumps on the wall to make me quiet. I don’t care. Nothing can ruin my mood. I sit down.  
A few minutes later, I feel angry energy all around me and it isn't just Bane. Two pairs of footsteps come my way. I stand up again, excitement rising. The first and last Friday are the only two days when Batman and I look each other in the eye and he doesn't try to defeat me. Unless, of course, I’ve escaped and I’m not here on that day.  
I crane my head to see if the Dark Knight is close by and see his silhouette next to Gordon’s way back in the hallway. I curse, then lie down on the floor. A few more minutes pass, then I can hear Gordon’s voice.  
“Still no sign of Scarecrow?” He says.  
“No.” Batman replies.  
“I’m not that surprised. You gave him quite the beating last time. He must be laying low. Unlike his new neighbour, the Joker.” They move to my cell. I say hello, very nicely I may add. Batsy holds my gaze, not showing the slightest hint of hatred or anger.  
“You gave him a new cell?” He says to Gordon, still staring at me.  
“Only for a little while. A lot of us at the GPCD thought there may be something wrong with his old one, so we’re renovating it.” Gordon replies. Batman finally stops staring at me and looks to the wall with the crack in it.  
“You’ll have to fill that crack in the wall. He can communicate with Bane through it.” Gordon deflates a little.  
“Oh. Right.”  
I grin at Batman. “You really are the World’s Greatest Detective, aren't you, Batsy?”  
“And you really don’t know when to quit, do you, Joker?” He shoots back. I feign shock.  
“Who, me? Oh, Batsy, you know I’ll never quit. At least not until you quit. Which won't happen for a very long time, I hope?” I laugh. “Gotham would be so boring without the famous Caped Crusader defending it.”  
“There wouldn't be a Gotham at all. You would have burned it to the ground.” Gordon says.  
“I suppose you’re right. But I could do that right now if I wanted to. There aren't any rules against that. Gotham is a city without rules.” Smirking, I stand up.  
“But you haven’t.” Batman says.  
“Of course I haven't Batsy! I’m not stupid. You know as well as I do most of the police would die, and you would probably die too, Batsy, or disappear like the way you do, and that would be no fun!” I’m eye to eye with Batman now.  
“Everything’s fun for you, isn't it?” Gordon murmurs.  
“Hah! Yes, you’re right, it is.” I laugh. “But all the same, I wouldn't want to destroy my city, at least not now. In later years, perhaps I-”  
“Sir!” The young, figity boy that was there when Gordon arrested me runs towards us. We all turn and face him.  
“There’s a lady in the visiting room.” He says.  
“Ooohhh… Batsy! You brought a significant other to patrol with you? How cute!” I say. Batman ignores me.  
“A lady? Who does she want to see?” Gordon asks.  
“Ummm…. Well, sir… She wants to see him.” The boy points at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and welcome! I'm Oki Ashi, a superhero geek and writer. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of The Agent Of Chaos. Right now, I don't know when my final chapter will be published, but it will happen soon! If you have any suggestions to help me make my writing better, don't hesitate to let me know in the comments. Thanks again! I'm planning to talk to you again in the fourth chapter, so see you then!  
> See ya later!  
> -Oki Ashi


	2. A New Maniac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Arkham Asylum inspection day, and the Joker's excited to see his old enemy, Batman again. But he only gets to see him for a little while before he receives a startling message. A lady is waiting in the Visitors Room to see him. When he's escorted to see her, he realizes that this woman sitting before him isn't just any lady. It's Calico Rivera, the Joker's old sweetheart, and she plans to break him out. But why?

“Don’t you know it’s rude to point, boy?” I say. Irritation crosses his face for a second, but then it disappears. Good. He’s learning.  
If Batsy’s surprised, he doesn't show it. Gordon, however, raises an eyebrow. “The Joker? Are you sure?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“What did he do to her?”  
“She didn't say.” The boy fidgets his hands. I lean back against a wall, interested. I don’t remember seeing a girl yesterday at the bank. In fact, I haven't noticed a girl apart from Harley, Ivy, and Catwoman for about a month. I look at Gordon.  
“Looks like you’ll have to take me to her, Commissioner.” I say, trying to keep the laughter out of my voice.  
A few seconds later, I’m walking down the hall with my handcuffs on, Batman and Gordon following me. The boy leads us. I’m puzzled. It’s a little early for Harley to break me out. I don’t think any big heists or kidnappings are happening until next week. _So why is Harley here?_  
I’m led to the “visitors” room. I’m almost never allowed to see visitors, unless it’s for intergotating or the press. Ahhh the press. Harley loves disguising herself as a reporter.  
A pretty-looking lady sits in a chair. Her mouth twitches into a smile. I study her. She seems familiar, but she doesn't look a thing like Harley. She has dark brown hair and light green eyes that glimmer with intelligence.  
“Hello, pretty!” I say, smiling. I sit in the other chair. She nods to me. Then she looks to Batsy and Gordon.  
“Excuse me, sirs. May I talk to the Joker privately?” Gordon smiles a little at this, and they leave the room. I lean over to the lady.  
“You do realize they can hear everything we’re saying, right?” I whisper.  
“I do. I… let’s say “updated” the microphone. They’re listening to a pre-recorded conversation between me and a professional mimicker who’s acting like you. It’ll be a  
few minutes before they figure it out. I do ask you to try to hold in your laughter though, Jack.” She says. I startle a little.  
“How do you know my real name?”  
“Oh, Jack, I know everything about you. Don’t you remember me? Calico Rivera?”  
“I have to say, Calico Rivera doesn’t ring any bells for me.”  
“We went to middle school together? I moved to Fresno in the middle of freshman year? I-”  
“Oh! That Calico Rivera? How are you, Cali?” Calico starts responding when I snap my fingers and say, “Hey, weren't you the girl who had a crush on me?”  
“I think you were the one who had a crush on me.” She murmurs. I flick my wrist.  
“Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto.”  
“No one says that, Jack.”  
“ I know you just came back and everything, but  as you can see, I’m the Joker now. Jack Napier is dead.”  
“If you say so.” She says. Her voice is monotonous. I half expect the FBI to burst in and for Cali to tell me that she’s a spy. I almost giggle at the thought.  
“Listen, Joker. I wanted to let you know that I’m breaking you out-”  
“Well, obviously,” I interrupt. She shoots me a venomous glare.  
“I’ll break you out. But I need you to do something for me.”  
“Why me?”  
“Because…” She seems flustered. “Because I need someone who understands me. You were one of the few people who understood me when I was younger. I need a fellow maniac, and you’re the most insane person I know.” She’s quiet. I grin.  
“You flatter me. Tell you what,” I lean back in my chair, “I’ll do whatever you want. I usually don’t, but who could say no to you?” She blushes, then recomposes herself.  
“Good. Prepare to leave at eight tonight.”  
“Can’t wait.”  
She stands up. I hear running, and then Goron bursts in alone. Batsy must have left.  
“My father made me swear to get my revenge, Joker.” She turns around as if to see Gordon for the first time. “Oh, Commissioner Gordon! Hi! I was just telling the Joker about… personal things.”  
Gordon clenches his fists. “Why did you hide your conversation?”  
“Oh. That.” She grins sheepishly, “My father was killed by the Joker. His dying wish was that I would hunt him down and serve justice. I didn't want to tell you that, because it’s personal. Fortunately for the Joker, it looks like you’ve already arrested him.”  
“Fortunately?” I say.  
“You don’t want to know.” She replies, smiling.  
“Are you sure about that?” I tease. She shakes her head, smiling even wider, then slips pass Gordon, and begins to turn the doorknob. It’s locked- of course.  
Gordon narrows his eyes at me, then unlocks the door. “Batman,” I hear Calico say as she leaves the room. Oh. Guess Batman decided to stay after all.  
********  
I spend the rest of the day lounging around my cell. While I was gone, someone filled in the crack, so now I can’t talk to Bane. Oh, darn. I’m not that angry about it, though. Bane was beginning to ruin my optimistic outlook on things.  
It’s five minutes to eight when the lights flicker. They struggle to stay on for a moment, then give up and die. I hear a few yells, then something falls to the ground. “Ooo..” I wince. Not that I can see anything.  
A flashlight shines bright in my eyes, and I cover them with my hand. A figure wearing a hood grabs an unconscious guard's hand and makes it touch the scanner. Access denied. It buzzes angrily. Cursing, the figure reaches into their pocket and takes out a glove. After putting it on, they place the gloved hand onto the scanner. A gentle beep, followed by a click, tells me that the figure has gained access to my cell. I grin and stand up. “Finally. I was starting to get bored.”  
The figure grabs my arm and yanks me towards the closing door. They push through the door.They let go of my arm for an instant, place the gloved hand on Bane’s scanner, open the door, and then grab hold of me again. Another larger dark figure opens the door all the way and looks out at us. Then he looks the other way and throws himself at the guards. The shadowy figure- okay, fine, Calico, and I run. Behind me, someone’s radio crackles, and Gordon’s voice fills the hallway. “Foster, I’m on way! What’s going on down there?”  
“Hard to say sir! Someone just let Bane and the Joker out-” There’s an oof, then silence.  
“Foster? Foster!” Gordon yells. I chuckle. Suddenly, Calico lets go of me and touches another scanner. She opens the door, and we descend into a staircase. The door slams shut.  
“We better hurry. Batsy's probably-”  
“Batman isn't here yet. He’s getting a false signal.”  
“You really think that’s going to hold him?”  
“No, and that’s the point. He’ll be more compelled to follow his instinct, which will lead him into a pit.” She laughs.  
“You dug a pit? That seems like a lot of work…” I say. “Besides, how do you know that Batsy isn't going by rooftops?”  
“I’ll tell you later.” Calico waves her free hand at me. “Right now, all we have to worry about right now is leaving this building.” With that, she turns left. I turn left as well (where else could I go?) to see her put her hand on one last door. With a beep and a click, we’re outside. I breath in. Calico pulls me into an alleyway, and I see small, silver car parked neatly next to a dumpster. A few unconscious guards lie on the ground. Calico lets go of me, then gets in the car. This time I do have a choice to abandon her, but I shrug that choice away and get in the car. We start driving out of the alleyway. She turns right and slowly drives away from the Asylum. From a birds-eye view, our car would look like a normal car checking out a crime scene.  
“Smart.” I say. She smiles again.

******

Half an hour later, we’re on the highway. Apparently, Calico is tracking Batman’s every move.  
“I suppose it’s too late to tell you that lights out at the 'Asylum is at eleven?” I joke, breaking the silence. “You could have just gotten me then.” Calico glances at me.  
“I like to do things the hard way, Ja- I mean, Joker.”  
“So do I.” I respond. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”  
“My house.”  
“Simple. That’s good. What’s with the glove?” I point at it. She blushes.  
“It’s just a little thing I made. While I was waiting for you to come to see me earlier, I touched some of Gordon’s papers. The fingerprints are imprinted into my glove now.”  
I whistle. She laughs for the first time. It’s not a maniacal laugh- a maniacal laugh would sense, since she’s clearly at least a little crazy. It’s kind of a sweet laugh, a laugh some would call tinkling. Scary.  
“Cali, w-”  
“CALICO!” She rolls her eyes.  
“Fine. Calico, why’d you go through all that trouble? I mean, I don’t really have any powers. Not unless you count pain tolerance.”  
“I did not rescue you for your power, Joker. I rescued you because I need someone ruthless. Someone who likes near-death experiences. Someone who knows Gotham like the back of his own hand. You’ve always seemed to be that person, Joker.”  
Silence fills the car. Then Calico takes a deep breath and says, “I need you to help me blow up Gotham.”


	3. The Crazy Plan Of The Murderous Girl Scout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calico and the Joker have arrived at Calico's cabin. While there, Calico tells the Joker her "master plan". The catch? It's impossible, and that's coming from a man that does impossible things every day. The Joker needs to tell someone in Gotham about Calico's plan before she gets both the Joker and herself killed. But who and how?

Oh, the irony. I almost laugh. “Y’know, earlier today I was talking to Batsy and Gordon about this. Gordon thought that I would blow up Gotham if I had the chance, because that’s something like I would have wanted to do a while go. Well, let me tell you something, sweetheart,” I lean forward and stare at Calico, “People change. Sure, in some ways I’ve changed for the worse- in most of the ways actually. But I’m not a big supporter of those who do want to blow up Gotham. And you know why? ‘Cause after Gotham gets blown up, what happens next? People all over the world are gonna be more careful, more cautious. Guards will stay by their posts 24/7, using those chamber-pot thingies when they need the bathroom. Guards are gonna have back up. Heck, even the backups will have backups, and the backup’s backups will have backups. You get the idea. Their bosses will tell them, “You can’t let your guard down even for a second, because if you do, the same thing that happened with Gotham will happen with us.” Even if the villains of Gotham survive the explosion, they can’t do anything. I may be a maniac, honey, but even maniacs need to make a living.” I lean back again. We’ve exited out of the highway and are crossing a bridge. I sigh. I know what’s going to happen.

Calico crosses the bridge, then takes a sharp turn into some woods. _Toto, I don’t think we’re in Gotham anymore._ Calico opens the door and steps outside. I get out too. In a blur, she grabs hold of me, spins me around so I can see a waterfall that just appear out nowhere,  and pins my arm behind my back. Well, that was predictable. I laugh. “Calico, if I had a dollar everytime someone threatened to kill me if I didn't do what they asked, I would be richer than that- what’s his name? Oh right- that Bruce Wayne guy.” I twist my wrist behind my back around so that I can easily grab hold of her arm. “If you push me off into the waterfall, then you're pushing yourself in as well.” I’m not kidding, and she knows it.

“Fine. Let me go, and I won't push you off.” She mutters. I smile and let go. I hear the shuffle of her feet as she backs away. A moment later, the car door slams, and she 

starts the engine. I turn around. My car door is still open, and I catch up to the car and hold the door before she can close it.

“Listen, I’ll do what you want. But I’m not gonna do the actual blowing up part, got it?” I say. She stares at me for a moment, then nods and turns back to look through windshield. I open the door all the way and sit back down in my seat.

“We’re not driving all the way to Fresno, are we?”

She turns her head again to shoot me a dirty look. “Of course not. I’m only going to drive a little more until we reach my cabin.”

“Ooo, a cabin! Can we roast marshmallows by the fire?”

“No.”

*****

Obviously, I’m not going to help Calico with her plan. I don’t work for anyone. But I am curious to see what her “master plan” is. But she doesn't seem to want to talk. Not that much anyway.

We arrive at the cabin quickly. It’s a typical little place, both from the inside and out. I study the room where Calico says I should be sleeping, then go to the dining room. She’s sitting in a cushioned chair, her eyes closed. Somewhere outside, an owl hoots.

“I’m assuming you want to know what the plan is?” She says, keeping her eyes closed.

“Plan?! Oh, please don't tell me that you're one of those people who make plans sixty stages long….?” I fake moan, taking a seat next to her.

“Very funny. No, I’m not one of those people. But I’m always prepared.”

“So you’re a girl scout.”

She sighs, then opens her eyes. “Do you want to hear the plan or not?  
“As long as you explain it under ten minutes, then fine.”

“You know, for someone that has extraordinary patience at times, you can be pretty restless when you want to be. ANYWAY,” She says, before I can say anything, “anyway, this is the plan: right now, the sewers in Gotham are being pumped out of filthy 

air. I proposed this to the GCPD, the mayor, and anyone else you can think of-”  
“Hang on a minute, sunshine. If you proposed it to the GCPD, you would have to talk to Gordon. You wore a disguise when you talked to him, correct?” I say. She turns her head to look at me and nods.

“Correct.”  
“Ok, continue.”

“So the filthy air in the sewers is being pumped out. It’s being replaced with pure oxygen. Only, I didn't tell people that’s it’s pure oxygen, because pure oxygen poisonous. I told them I was filling up the sewers with regular oxygen. I’ve gained the trust and respect from a number of authority figures. I’ve told them not to let anyone into the sewers, because this is the first time anyone's tried anything like this Gotham- we don’t know what could happen to people that aren't wearing masks. Which is true. Anyway, the beautiful thing about pure oxygen is that it can set iron and steel on fire.”

“Ok, sooo….” I raise an eyebrow. Her jaw drops a little. “I mean, sure, setting fire to things is fun, but you said you’d _blow up_ Gotham city. Not set fire to it.”

“I know I said that. When the flames from the pipes spread, they’ll ignite a trail of gunpowder that leads to a pile of dynamite. Then BOOM! Part of Gotham is destroyed. This will happen all over Gotham, until there’s nothing left.”  
“Your plan is  complicated.” I say.  
“Complicated, but the end result is amazing.” She’s grinning now. “I’m going to make  hot chocolate. Want a cup?”

“Of course I want a cup!” I say. She nods, then stands up and walks to what is apparently the kitchen. I frown. Even to a mind like mine, it’s obvious the plan isn't going to work. She’s overthinking it. That’s what people do too often in Gotham. I start listing other things that the citizens of Gotham do wrong. My mind is wandering, I know. But I don’t care. Then I start thinking of Gotham in general. Then I transition into thinking about the GCPD. Suddenly, I bolt upright. This plan of Calico’s is going to get her killed, sure, but I can’t stop her. She already made that clear. Something tells me that she’ll keep me alive so I can take the blame if things go wrong. When she dies, people will

suspect me for murdering her, not some steel pipes, since she told me she’s trusted by authority figures, and I’m not. Eventually they’ll find out what her plan was, only they’ll blame it on me again. If there’s one thing I don’t do, it’s take claim for other people’s plans. The GCPD will make it even harder for me to escape the Asylum, if they send back there at all. They’ll probably transport me out of the city. If the GCPD does not survive, someone else will.  I can’t have that. I need to tell someone before she moves onto the final stage. I need to tip off the GCPD.

*****  
I clutch the steering wheel of Calico’s car. _The Cali Car_. I smile, but an uneasiness  is settling in me. It’s a miracle that I still had some sleeping powder in in my pocket. (Calico had taken my clothes with her, and I had put them on shortly after reaching the cabin.) It’s an even bigger miracle that I could sneak the powder into her hot chocolate without her noticing. She’s supposed to be out for five hours, but I don’t know if she’ll wake up earlier. Sometimes that happens. I doubt it though. After all, I was able to steal her car keys with out her waking up.

I start the car and back out of the driveway. Soon enough, I’m back in Gotham. I smile, then make the car pick up speed. I watch the speedometer needle gradually climb to ninety miles per hour, then ninety-five, then a hundred. Sirens wil behind me. I grin, then hit the brakes. A police car stops next to me. I don’t pay much attention to the officer, just roll down the window. Another officer runs up next to the first officer. His jaw drops. “Joker?!” He whisper/yells, his eyes huge.

“Well, hi, Drew! Lovely weather we’re having, aren't we?” I say, then laugh. He narrows his eyes while the other officer pulls out a gun.

“Joker, you’re under arrest!” They bark in unison. I grin even wider.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”


	4. It's Not A Peace Meeting..... Not Exactly....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could this happen?
> 
> Gordon: Hello, Joker! It's so good to see you again! I'm so happy you're here!  
> Joker: It's good to be back. I need to tell you something.  
> Gordon: Go ahead!  
> Joker: *Tells Gordon about Calico's plan.*  
> Gordon: OH NO! Joker, let me give you all of my men, even though I know you'll use them to take over Gotham! I'll give you superpowers so you can fight Calico and create chaos!  
> Joker: YAY!
> 
> Answer: Hah! Of course not, unless the Joker somehow hypnotizes Gordon into saying all of this.

_ Well, this is awkward,  _ I think as I stare across the table at Gordon. I still can barely believe that Drew and the other officer (his name is Wilf, apparently) listened to me and took me to Gordon. Must have been because they were kinda stunned after I surrendered. Gordon also seemed a little surprised, but he quickly recovered.

“What do you want, Joker?” He asks coldly. 

“I just felt like for dropping by….” I wink. He clenches his jaw. 

“Don’t act so cocky. Even if you did want to get arrested, you’re still in the hands of the law right now. You didn't accomplish anything.”

“Oh, but I did. I’m talking to you right now, which is what I wanted in the first place.” I smile. Gordon signals to Wilf and Drew who are right behind me. They grab my arms and start pulling me up.

“Wait! Wait.” The commissioner nods to the men, and they let go of me. I land back in my chair with an oof. “I should have known better. You’ve never been one for small talk.”

“Joker, I’ve got better things to do then to waste my time trying to make you ramble.”

“I don’t ramble,” I say, pretending to be offended, “Besides, I think you’ll find what I have to say much more important then whatever you need to do.”

“Oh, really?” He scoffs. 

“Yes, I do, actually. Because I’m about to tell you who broke me out.” I grin as he straightens up.

“How do I know you’re not going to lie to me?”   
“You won’t. But I’m a villain. Villains betray their comrades all the time.” I prop my ankle against my knee. He nods again, and for a second I think he’s signaling Wilf and Drew again, but he’s just nodding. 

“Alright, true. So who’s this person who broke you out? The same girl who visited you today, I presume?” 

“Obviously. Her name is Calico Rivera. She went to middle school with me. I had a bit of a crush on her. Sadly, she only considered me as a friend. She moved to Fresno during the freshman year. So, I was kinda surprised to see her today. I didn't recognize her at first. We talked, she rescued me later, you know, the usual things that happen. Then she told me her plan.” I tell Gordon everything. He listens to my story leaning forward, with his hands clasped before him  on the table. My back is to them, but I can tell that the two other officers are listening as well. 

“So yeah, that’s pretty much what I wanted to tell you.” I conclude. There’s a moments silence, then Gordon unclasps his hands and bangs them on the table. Drew, Wilf, and I all jump. 

“How could I have been so stupid?! Of course she was planning something.  _ Julia Green. _ Hah! Of course that’s an alias! We were so desperate to get rid of the filthy air, we didn't even look deeper into her company!” He bangs his fists on the table again. 

“Well, you know, it’ll probably not work.” I say.

“PROBABLY IS NOT ENOUGH!” he booms. There’s another silence. Then he takes a deep breath and says, “If there’s the slightest chance that the plan will work, we need to stop her! We have proof- the oxygen in the sewers, but by the time that’s confirmed, she’ll have escaped.” He pauses, then stares at me. I’ve never seen a look on his face like this. He gives a half smile.

“No, we can’t do that. I need to make sure that she carries on with her plan. And I need you to keep encouraging her.”

I hold my hands. “Woah, woah. I’m a supervillain, if you haven't noticed. I don’t work for the law.”

He smiles even more. “I know. But you said so yourself. You don't want to destroy Gotham. So help me save it- just this once.”

“What’s in it for me?  Apart from stopping the destruction of Gotham? ”

“ You won't be pummeled  by Batman for a full five days at the most...”

“What if I like being pummeled by him?” I respond. He opens his mouth, then closes it.

After a minute, he opens it again.

“You know what, forget it. I’m wasting my breath.” He grumbles.  
“I never said that I wouldn't help. I just want to know my benifits.” I drop my foot down and sit up. He grinds his teeth.

“How about you aren't thrown into the Asylum right this second?” He starts drumming his fingers on the table. 

“That’s a plus, sure, but how about you let me go free after this whole things is over. It would only be for three days. Then everything would go back to normal.” I propose. He starts shaking his head, then realizes that I’m not going to help him if he doesn't do what I asked of him.

“You can be free for one hour.”

“No. I’ll take it down to two and a half days.” I laugh when I see his irritation.

“I can’t believe I’m bargaining with a criminal.” He growls. He drops his head for a millisecond, then snaps it up again to stare at me. “One day.”

“Two days.”

“One and a half days.”

“Done.” I stick out my hand to shake. He glares at me, then grudgingly shakes my hand.

“Calico is going to start waking up soon. You better get back before she does. Go!” He motions for me to leave.

“I never thought I’d see the day that you would let me go willingly.” I grin and stand up. He says nothing. 

I make my way to my car (which was towed while I was talking to Gordon) and get  inside. The dashboard clock says that its eleven fifty-nine pm. I start driving. Passing the GCPD building, I see the Bat Signal light up. I grin.

******

Luckily, Calico is still asleep by the time I sneak back inside the cabin. I reach under the couch and grab a camera. It’s been filming Calico for the entire time, so I’ll know if she woke up at all. Watching the video, I smile. She was asleep for the entire time. I shake her.

“Calico. Wakey wakey!” She groans and turns over. I grin even wider. This is gonna be fun. I go to the kitchen and get a pot. After filling it with ice cold water, I stumble over to Calico again. She looks almost peaceful. I have to do this, though. If not, she’ll be suspicious that I didn't wake her up. I dump all over her.

She screams and jumps up. 

“Mornin, sunshine!” I say, then laugh at how mad she looks. Suddenly, her eyes fill with panic.

“It’s morning?” 

“Well, technically. It’s oh…” I glance at the clock behind her, “one twelve. Y’know, you can just look at the clock.” I point at the clock. She quickly turns her head to look at it, then turns back to look at me. She’s trying her hardest not to blush, I can tell. 

“I just got the cabin-”

“Excuses, excuses, excuses.” I laugh. She rolls her eyes.

“Maybe you should shut that mouth of yours and go to sleep. We have a lot of things to do tomorrow.”

“Today.”

“Whatever, Jack.” She grins for the first time since waking up. Her eyes sparkle.

“Okay, I deserved that.” I say nochantaly. She grins even more, then something occurs to her.

“You didn't ask a lot of questions earlier. Why?” She studies me.

“I like to do things impromptu.” 

“Of course you do. Anyway, at about seven am, we’re going on a little field trip. To the sewers.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!  
> Thanks for reading this far! We're halfway through The Agent Of Chaos! Wooo! If you want to continue reading, my goal is to be finished with this story by Friday, June 22nd. As always, any critiques will be welcome!  
> See ya later!  
> -Oki Ashi


	5. Taking An Exotic Hike Through The Sewers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter pretty much summarizes everything that happens in the chapter.

“Who’s in the bag?” I ask. It’s now seven am, which is way earlier then I’m used to getting up at. Calico and I are sitting in the Cali Car (which was obviously parked in the same space it was before I took it). Before we got in, she had put a bag in the trunk.

“There isn't always a person in the bag, Joker.” She responds, groaning.

“With me there is.”

She snorts. “Well, not with me. There's a couple of gas masks in there, a few guns…  just the necessities for going into the sewers. I need to check the progress of the oxygen in the sewers.”

“How are you gonna do that?”

“I have a device that can tell me how much oxygen there is. It wasn't cheap, but it was worth it.”

“Show me.”

“I’ll show it to you later. Now, I need you to hide. We’re entering Gotham.”

******

The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. Calico is trying her hardest to act like a normal civilian. I’m crouched under the dashboard.

Suddenly, Calico abruptly turns right, and I shift a little to the side. I’m not used to this at all. Sneaking around isn't really my thing… that’s Batsy’s. Me? I’ll take making a commotion anytime, thank you very much.

Calico stops the car, then signals for me to get out. “We’re here.”

She reaches into glove compartment and pulls out a sandy blond wig, along with glasses and a set of contacts.

“Isn't that overkill?” I say, moving to my seat and beginning to open the door.

“Not if the contacts are actually colored contacts. Take this,” She throws something something black and gold at me. I unfold it and grin.

“You get a wig, contacts, and glasses, and I get a Gotham City University sweatshirt?”

“As long as no one takes a close look at you, and you keep your head down, you’ll be fine. Keep walking straight until you reach that corner,” She points at a corner about twenty feet away, “then turn right. Wait for me there.” While she was talking I had slipped on the sweatshirt, and now I flip up the hood so it covers my face. I grin under the hood, and open the door.

“Try not to draw attention to yourself, Joker.”

“Don't worry your pretty little head about it.” I step outside quickly, but not before she gives me a playful swat.

*****

For one of the first times in a while, I do as I’m told. When Calico reaches me, her appearance is completely changed- in fact, if I hadn't seen her take out her disguise, I would have never guessed it was her.

“Wow. You actually listened to me.” She says, her eyes widening ever so slightly.

“C- I mean, Julia! Julia!” Someone calls over to us. Calico clenches her jaw, then looks over me shoulder. I turn as well. A tall, thin man runs over to us, elbowing other people out of his way. Another, average looking man follows him, his back hunched, his eyes to the ground. They’re both wearing road worker vests. Calico waits for them to reach her, then starts talking.

“Sawyer, dear,” She says to the tall man through clenched her teeth clenched, “you don’t have to shove all of these nice people out of the way. I thought I told you to meet us in the sewers.”

“Sorry, Julia. I just, you know, wanted to meet the new recruit. I kinda got excited.” He hung his head.

“I tried to tell him, Julia. But no… He wanted to meet the new recruit.” The other man says. I bristle at the term. I’m not a recruit. I’m a recruiter.

“Like you didn't want to meet him, Waylon!” Sawyer retorts.

“Quit arguing!” Calico snaps, “You’re both here. None of us can do anything about it now. Sawyer, Waylon, this is the new recruit, Maddox. Maddox, this is Sawyer

and Waylon. Sawyer, open up the man-hole.” She point at one of those circle thingies you see on the road. This one’s surrounded by cones.

“So that’s what it’s called.” I snap my fingers. Sawyer and Waylon look at me in surprise, probably because I’m imitating a teenage boy. I know what a man-hole is, obviously, but I wanna act like one of those clueless kids that has no idea what’s going on. Calico smiles a little. Sawyer moves over to the road and starts lifting the man-hole. We follow him.

“Where’s your bag?” Waylon asks. I look at Calico. She pats a big tote bag that she brought with her. Waylon and I nod.

“Ladies first.” We turn to look at Sawyer. The lid of the manhole is off, and he’s waiting by it expectantly.

“Oh. Thank you, Sawyer, dear. Calico walks to the hole, sits on the ground, swings her feet into the hole, and drops down, feet first. “Next person.”

“How about you, rookie?” Sawyer says.

“Gee, thanks!” I give a small smile, then do the same thing Calico did. She’s cleaning her glasses. I move over to her and whisper quietly, “Henchmen. Who needs ‘em?” She laughs a little.

“What’s so funny?” Waylon drops in behind us.

“Nothing. Here.” Calico reaches into her bag and pulls out a gas mask. He takes it. Sawyer drops in, practically jumping on top of Waylon. I suppress a laugh. Waylon shoots Sawyer a dirty look, but Sawyer just rolls his eyes and reaches above him. He starts dragging something over, and an instant later the sewers are pitch black.

There’s a click, then a flashlight shines into my eyes. Someone shoves something at me. It’s cold and kinda heavy. A gas mask.

“We’re not breathing in toxic air right now, obviously, but we’re close. You do know how to work with a gas mask, right?” Calico says.

“I’m the Joker. Of course I do.” I retort.

I put it on and hear the satisfying rasp of my breath. The same person who gave me the gas mask gives me something else. Bringing it up to my face, I can see the outline of a flashlight. After some fumbling with it, I manage to find the switch. The light shines on Sawyer, who’s starting to put on his gas mask. His eyes widen when he sees me, and he almost drops the gas mask. I laugh.

“God, I’m glad you’re on our side.” He sighs. _I’m_ glad that the gas mask hides my smile.

*********

Once everyone has their gas masks on and have turned on their flashlights, we start walking. The good thing about my gas mask (not including protecting me from pure oxygen), is that I can’t smell at all, which allows me to become relaxed in the sewer. Some may find that hearing nothing but water dripping disturbing, but I like it. It almost (ALMOST) calms me.

Calico stops suddenly, and raises her hand. Sawyer and Waylon stop right away, but I look over her shoulder, and see a small oxygen meter in her hand. I don’t know much about oxygen levels, but -judging by Calico’s excited breathing- the oxygen level is at the point she wants it to be. She starts walking again, and we follow. Every so often, she stops, raises her hand, and checks the meter. Every time she checks the meter, she seems satisfied.

We walk through the tunnel for about half an hour. At the end of the thirty minutes, she stops once more, then takes a sharp turn. I follow her, then try to whistle. It doesn't quite turn into a whistle, but Calico looks at me and nods, as if she knows what I mean. Which, I suppose, she does.

A mountain of dynamite is stacked up against the wall. It looks almost regal. We stare at it for a few seconds, then Calico starts going back to her henchmen. I don’t want to leave, but I have to. Sawyer and Waylon had decided not to follow us, so they're standing around the corner. Calico nods at them, then all four of us start making our way back.

******

As soon as we leave the tunnel, Calico and I find the Cali Car, and Sawyer and Waylon go in the opposite direction.

“Is it working?” I ask. Calico shrugs.

“I can’t tell you right now- we still have about ten major sewer lines to go through. But so far, so good.”

Ten sewer lines may seem like not that many, but trust me, it’s a lot. By the time we’re done, it’s already twelve o’clock.

“Well, gentlemen,” Calico announces before we leave the final sewer, “we still have a little bit of hydrogen in the sewers but by tomorrow evening, all of the hydrogen  will be gone. My estimate is that it will be full of oxygen around five thirty tomorrow. We’ll probably have to give it a head start, though…” She chuckles.

The henchmen both laugh, but obviously I can't.

“Well, goodbye, Sawyer. See you, Waylon.” She pushes the lid for the manhole up, and light shines into our faces.

Calico says nothing on our way back home. However, she does hum. It’s kind of creepy, honestly.

We go inside her cabin, and sit down. She grabs a book, and I go into the kitchen for a snack. I look out the window casually. I hesitate, then blink.

“Well, well,” I murmur, then holler, “Calico!”

“Yes, Joker?”

“You might wanna see this.” I say. Calico walks into the kitchen, then stops. She runs to the window.

“Joker….”

“It wasn't me! Dang it, he probably followed the signal from my phone!” I say. We both stare some more.

Two-Face’s car is outside, parked neatly in the forest. The windows are tinted, but that is definitely his car.

“No matter,” Calico shakes herself, “This is good, actually. See if he wants to help us.”

“I will. I might go for a drive as well. ‘See if anyone of my old friends wants to help.”

“Fine. Be back before three. Have fun.” Calico murmurs.

“I will.” I burst through the door and jog out to the car. The shotgun seat door is unlocked so I open the door and sit in there. A quick buzz fills the car, then all is silent again. I grin at the man sitting next to me.

“Hi, Batsy!”


	6. A Compliment From A Person Who Hates Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 Things That Will Never Happen To Me  
> By: The Joker  
> 10\. I go to Mars.  
> 9\. I become part of the Justice League.  
> 8\. I become the next Superman.  
> 7\. I become the next Batman.  
> 6\. I have a mildly civilized conversation with Gordon. (COMPLETED!)  
> 5\. I become normal.  
> 4\. I become a billionaire.  
> 3\. I walk into the GCPD building without being shot at. (COMPLETED!)  
> 2\. I ride in the same car as Batman while I'm fully conscious. (COMPLETED!)  
> 1\. I make a plan with Batman and Gordon to defeat another villain. (COMPLETED!)

“Just to state the obvious, I knew it would be you in the car, simply because Two-Face would never park nicely and wait for us to come home. You do, however.” I say as we back out of the forest.

Batman never turns his head to me, but replies, “Calico doesn't know that.”

“True. Anyway, you do realize that she’s tracking my every move, right?”

“As soon as you entered this car, any signal you showed was interfered with. She’s getting a signal, but it’s leading her in an entirely different direction.”

“Nice.” I lean back. “Oh, by the way, sorry about the whole falling into a pit thing yesterday evening. It must have been humiliating.”

“So that’s what was supposed to happen. It would have been humiliating, if I hadn't noticed that I was being monitored, and left the car. I went by motorcycle the rest of the way.” When Batsy isn't fighting me, he gives the barest hints of emotions. While he’s telling me this, his voice lifts a little. It may  be something to do with the fact that he isn't trying to scare me anymore, but I think it's something else. Yes, I do think that Batsy finds Calico’s attempt to throw him off her trail almost… funny. He clears his throat, then adds on, “Gordon had one of his cops tail you after you left the GCPD last night. That’s how I found you.”

“Oh…. You’ve gotten the full story, I presume?”  
“Apart from whatever happened today.”

“Oh, I’ll tell you and Gordon when we get there. Gordon told everyone to pretend they didn't recognize me, didn't he?”

“That’s what I understand.”

The car’s silent for the rest of the car ride. It isn't awkward though. Nor is it scary. I’ve known Batman for long enough to know what his different silences mean. I think every criminal in Gotham knows what the most important one means. That one is before Batsy even shows up. I know it as the “I’m going to beat you up badly, but I don’t want you know it yet, so I’m gonna sneak around for a while ” silence. That’s why thugs are such nervous wrecks when they commit a crime- they can hear that silence.

This silence is different. It takes a seasoned Batman nemesis to tell this silence apart. This is Batsy’s “thinking” silence. _That_ silence is separated into two groups, the “I’m thinking about how to defeat you and destroy everything you’ve created” silence, and the “I’m trying to figure something out” silence. The silence in the car during is the second one. He’s thinking hard, but he isn't threatening me or anything, so I relax a little. To be honest, it’s kinda nice.

*****  
“Batman. Joker.” Gordon nods to us as we step inside his office, “for the sake of the person in the room who hates small talk, let’s get straight to the point. Joker, what happened today?”

I tell him. Once again, Gordon leans forward in his chair. Batman, however, stands straight, his posture never wavering.

To his credit, Gordon doesn't lose his temper like he did yesterday. I think he’s trying to impress Batsy.

“So Calico’s goal is to have blown up Gotham by five thirty tomorrow. Do you know why she wants you on her side?” He asks me.

“Obviously for the looks. Other then that, I have no idea.”

“What was she like in middle school?” Batman asks. I narrow my eyes a little.

“Good question, Bats. Uh… well, she was very self-centered. She had a very hard time making friends because of that. She also likes to criticize people. She never believed in an easy way, and if someone told her that there was an easy way, she would hurt them as bad as she could. She was very moody. Oh, and stubborn. She could get

very impatient- she needed everything to happen at her pace. She could also get very impulsive…”

“That’s enough.” Batsy cuts in. Gordon and I turn to stare at him. “Calico wants someone to carry on the task if she’s not able. Someone she knows will at first be against her plan, but will eventually get excited about it. Joker, you are that someone.”

There’s a silence, and this time, I don’t know what to make of it. Neither does Gordon, it seems. We both just stare at the Caped Crusader, wanting to say something, but at the same time not wanting to.

“Either that or he’s just a distraction from the real crime taking place.” Batsy says, when neither of us say anything.

“Who said my crime would be real?” I challenge.

“You know what I mean. If Calico is really ambitious, she’ll use you for both.” He says. I grit my teeth. I don’t like being used.

“So, what do we do, then?” Gordon asks. I could ask the same question.

“Alert your men. Tell them to watch all man-holes by their stations, but make sure that they know not to arrest anyone.” Batsy says. He looks at me. “Calico is going to start the fire. Which pipes are her first target?”

“Don’t know. I could ask her.” I take out my phone. In an instant, Gordon grabs his gun and points it at me.

“Of course you’d want to tip her off. Traitor!” He spits the word out. I hold up my hands.

“Calm down, chief. Batsy, you said that you disconnect all trackers, right?” I ask. Batman nods. “Then, she won't be able to track my phone. I can ask her all the questions I want. Calico thinks I’m with Two-Face and the others. _She told me to talk to them about the plan._ She’ll think I’m asking on behalf of one of my people. What she doesn't know can’t hurt her, right? Oh, wait.” I grin. Neither of them smile back. Then Gordon sighs and tells me to put her on speaker.

Calico had given me her number before we left for the sewers this morning, so she’s in my contacts. She picks up on the second ring.

“Joker?”

“Hey Cali- I mean Calico.” I laugh.

“Not funny. Where are you?”

“With Two-Face and Poison Ivy. You’ve been tracking me, haven't you?

“....”

“ _Calico._ ”

“Fine, yes, I have. And now your signal’s gone.”

“Oh, that’s Two-Face’s fault. His car always disconnects signals. The signal should come back soon.”

“....”

“Look, Calico, don’t be mad. I have a potential new “recruit” for you.”

“Are you still angry about that? We were in the wide-open.”

“No excuse. Anyway, Two-Face is interested in your plan. He has a question though.”

“Oh. Okay. What is it?”

“What tunnel are we gonna set fire to first?”

“Who said anything about-”

“Calico, you said that you wanted to give the explosion a jump start.”

“Good point. The one by the GCPD.”

“Huh. Okay. Well, I have to convince the others to join me so I gotta go.”

“Joker.”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to come home early. I don't want to have to rescue you all over again.”

“Calico….”

“Please, Joker.” She moans.

“Fine! Fine. You’re too irresistible.” I mumble. She laughs, says bye, then hangs up. I put my phone away.

“The tunnels by the GCPD. Well, that’s convenient.” I say. “No doubt she wants to get a building full of officers blown up first. By the way, Batsy…. Are you part of the GCPD?” He stares at me. Gordon gives a short laugh.

“Nice try.”

“It couldn't be helped.” I grin back at him.

******

We quickly make a plan. For a plan made in three minutes, though, it’s pretty good. I’m given a small portable camera, which will film every thing that Calico does. I’m also given one the greatest things in my life- a tiny Bat Signal. It doesn't work the same as Batman’s official signal, (this one is more of a button than a light) but it’s still amazing.

“You’ll give back to me when this is all over. Press this button when Calico starts leaving. Batman should be there within…” Gordon looks over to Batman.

“Five minutes.” Batsy finishes.

“You heard him. That’s all you need to do. After that, find somewhere to hide. I’ll probably get hurt, and Batsy will too, but I don’t want a wounded Joker tagging along. Got it?” I nod.

“You can go, then. We don’t want Calico to get suspicious.” He shuts me out, then begins to shut the door, but stops. “Oh, also, go to Drew. He’ll drop you off close by Calico’s cabin.”

I start making my way there, when a thought occurs  to me. A traitor has to be trusted first. Gordon called me a traitor before he realized I was helping him and the Bat. He vaguely trusts me. I’m honored.


	7. When Eating Donuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty much the final countdown before Calico decides to go through her plan. But what exactly is her plan? And why does she really need the Joker?

 

"Well?" Calico asks when I walk through the front door.

"Well..... What?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Did anyone say they'd help us?" She huffs.

"Oh. Two-Face's thinking about it... He'll let me know. 'Ivy's got something going on. Harley dropped by, and we talked, but even she's hesitating." I quietly turn on the camera. Apparently it films everything that goes on, then transfers the recordings onto Gordon's computer. The camera itself is disguised as a watch. I really hope Calico doesn't notice it.

 

"It's a tough job that's not meant for everybody. Thanks for telling them anyway. You made sure that they wouldn't tell?" Calico says.

 

"Why would they? They know I'll kill them if they do. Besides.... No one will believe them." I smile, thinking that she'll smile back, or at least act relieved. Instead, she acts more tense.

 

"But you did tell them not to tell anyone, right?" Her eyes are desperate. I can relate. For a rookie, it's very stressful committing a crime. Everything has to be perfect. The old-timers and I are more relaxed. One or two small things can go wrong, as long as everything else goes right.

 

"Yes! Yes, I did tell them! Calm down!" I say.

 

"I _am_ calm, Joker. I just wanted to know."

 

"I _know that_ you wanted to know." I wink. 

 

_"_ Then why did you try to stress- oh _nevermind._ " She plops down.

 

If I was someone else, maybe I would've sat down with her and hugged her tight. Maybe I would've sat next to her in silence. Maybe I wouldve told her a meaningful story. But I'm the Joker, so comforting her isn't an option.

 

Instead, I ask her a question.

 

"What am I gonna do tomorrow, Calico? I'm not just there to cheer you on, am I?"

She glances at me for a momment, then looks down again.

 

"You're right. But I can't tell you about you're gonna do until breakfast tomorrow. That's what I was gonna tell you about actually. At ten, tomorrow, we're gonna have a brunch with Sawyer and Waylon. That's when we'll go over the plan." She says. I cock my head.

 

"Don't you think that's a little rushed?"

 

"No." She says it with such ferocity that she takes me a little by surprise. Her eyes move to my watch.

 

"Where'd you get that?" She asks, her voice cold again. I decide to play dumb.

 

"Get what?"

 

"That watch."

 

"I got it _years_ ago... You didn't notice it?"

 

She stands up.

 

"No.... In fact, I don't recall bringing that watch with your other clothing, either." She steps closer to me threatingly. _Man,_ I wish that I could shoot her right now and get it over with. For the first time ever, it's getting hard to actually smile.

 

"Fine.... I'll tell you the truth."

 

She leans forward. If Gordon was here, he'd kill me right this instant. If Batman was here, he'd beat me to a pulp and _then_ give me to Gordon so that Gordon could kill me. Thankfully, neither of them are here. I take a deep breath.

 

"I robbed Waylon. I didn't really like that guy, but I knew you'd get mad at me if I killed him. So I threatened him behind your back, and he gave me his watch." I lie. All of the tension falls from her face.

 

"Oh. I thought- I mean, with all the secrecy and unreliability, I thought that you were-"

 

"That I was tattling to someone?" I laugh. She smiles. She actually believes that I'm on her side. That makes me laugh even harder.

 

******

 

When people say _it was the calm before the storm,_ they don't really take into account how..... NOT calm the perpetrators are before the crime. It's the next day, before the brunch, and Calico has talked to me more in the last five minutes than she has in the past three days.

 

"Bring that chair over to me. Thanks, now get those pillows from the couch and put it in this box."

 

If you haven't noticed, we're packing. I woke up ten minutes ago, and almost immediately, Calico made me start packing.

 

"We dont want to be anywhere _near_ Gotham when it explodes." She told me. My phone buzzes.

 

"Who's that?" Calico asks.

 

"Harley."

 

In truth, I have no idea who this is (Harley has a completely different number. Until I read the text.

 

**Hiya, puddin! Just wanted to know if we're gonna get rid of Supes and his city as well....?**

 

Batman is suprisingly good at imitating her texts.

 

"Calico, are we just doing this to Gotham? Or are we gonna wipe out Metropolis as well? Harley asked."

 

She's too busy packing, she answers my (sorry, Harley's) question right away.

 

"Nah... Just Gotham. Although neighbouring cities could be affected." I say okay, then text "Harley" back.

 

**It's just gonna be Gotham. Metropolis and cities near it may be affected, though.**

 

My phone buzzes about two seconds later. Wow, Batsy's a fast reader.

 

**Ok! Ttyl!**

 

**Ttyl!**

 

Well, that was truly a humorous conversation. I'm kinda tempted to add this number to my contacts, but knowing him, it probally is from someone else's number.

 

The doorbell I didnt know Calico had rings.

 

"That'll be Sawyer and Waylon." Calico says. We both walk to the door.

 

"Hi, Calico! Hi, Joker!" Sawyer says.

 

"Hello, Sawyer. Waylon." She nods at both of them.

 

"What's for brunch?" Waylon rubs his hands together.

 

"Donuts." She replies.

 

********

 

While we eat donuts, we scheme. It's kinda hard to take Calico seriously, though. It's hard to take anyone who's eating a donut seriously.

 

"Alright, so, to catch up the Joker, let's review roles. I'm starting the fires. Waylon?"

 

"Oh, I'm the get-away car driver. I dont wanna have to kill anyone unless I absolutely have to." He says, then looks at Sawyer.

 

"I'm the assasin. I have specific targets in mind who I'll shoot." He grins.

 

"And those targets are...?" Calico asks meaningfully.

 

He grins even more. "Well, there's only two people..... Gordon and the Bat."

 

I swiftly turn around and stare at Calico. "I thought you knew that I don't want Batsy dead. "

 

Her eyes soften. "I do know. But you'll find someone else to fight. I promise."

 

"Still, I don't want him dead. Or Gordon, for that matter." I grumble.

 

"Maybe I could... Hurt both of them so bad that they wouldn't be able to fight?"

 

Sawyer says, nervously. "Calico?"

 

"That's fine by me. Just remember to hurt them bad." They both look at me. I nod.

 

"And now, your role, Joker." Calico says.

 

"I need you to do two things for me. At five o clock, I will drop you off in Gotham. Your job is to do what you do best- create chaos." Good thing Batsy isnt one to say _I told you so._ Do whatever you want, but- if possible- include your allies. Have fun until around five twenty. After that, I want you to acompany me to the sewers. I need someone to coved my back, and.... If nessary, I need you to carry on the mission without me."

 

"Alright." I say nonchalantly.

 

*******

 

The rest of the day goes by slowly. After the brunch, I entertain Sawyer and Waylon with my gadgets while Calico finishes packing. I show them  my deck of razor sharp cards (both Sawyer and Waylon cut themselves on the cards) my doll grenades, and my explosive jack-the-boxes. I obviously show the others my toys outside.

 

Then we wait.

 

And wait.

 

And wait.

 

And wait.

 

_Finally,_ Calico comes in to tell me to get in the car.

 

She drops me off by one of my warehouses. I turn off my camera. Looks like whoever watches this recording will be watching criminals do dumb things for a good portion of it. Whoops?

 

I quickly send a group text message to a bunch of other criminals.

 

**Heard that the Queen of Gniyl is coming to Gotham today. She's supposed to be super rich. Half of the money to the villain who steals six billion dollars from her. Apparently she's visiting Wayne Tower.**

 

Of course there's no such thing as Gniyl, unless you count the way the name is spelled backwards- lying. But they dont know that.... Yet.

 

Harley replies instantly:

 

**Hi, puddin! Its boring without you... That sounds like it should be fun.**

 

Then Two-Face:

 

**Joker. You disappear for 3 days, then expect us to do your bidding?**

 

Harley texts back:

 

**Hey! Maybe he's being chased by Bats or something!**

 

Scarecrow joins in the conversation:

 

**Two-Face has a point though.**

 

Poison Ivy:

 

**Even if he does, there's the money.**

 

Harley:

 

**Yeah! So @:!#*€ &?£! you two.**

 

That isn't exactly what she says. I check the time. It's five eight. I text Batsy. Hopefully he hasnt blocked me.

 

**Be ready, Harley. I'll let u know when we're about to start.**

 

I put my phone away. The next 7 minutes pass quickly. I look at my phone. Batman simply texted **k.** I look at the time. It's five fifteen. Go time. I get the transmitter out and press the button. It's satisfying. Not even three seconds later, I hear a ding.

 

Batsy:

 

**Don't try anything. I'm coming.**

  
  



	8. Never Mention This Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm scared of spoling stuff so no summary!

 

Calico is waiting next to the man-hole by the GCPD building. Her foot is tapping a mile a minute.

"I'm not late, am I?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"No. Its just that.... That there's like nintey seven percent chance that we wont survive the explosion. Are you sure you want to do this?" She causally slips her hand into her bag. _Who does she think I am?!?_ She'll obviously try to kill me if I don't work with her. Emphasis on try. I know that she probally has a gun in that tote bag of hers, loaded and ready to go.

"I live off of possibilities, Calico. I have nothing else to today, anyway." I tell her. She looks strangely.... relieved.

"Okay. Let's get started." Calico hands me a gas mask.

 

*****

 

Calico's  rasps from the gas mask are a lot faster then yesterday. She shifts from foot to foot as she checks the oxygen meter. She turns to me and gives me a thumbs up.

 

Quickly she takes a lighter out of her bag. Batsy still isn't here yet. For the first time, I begin to worry. I was fine risking my life, because Batsy was supposed to prevent Gotham from exploding. But he isn't here, and neither is Gordon.

 

Suddenly, I remember that I'm supposed to be recording all of this. I turn on the camera.

 

Suddenly, there a click, and Calico laughs when she sees the flame from the lighter. I try to distinguish it, and succeed. She gives me a dirty look, but I can tell she's getting confused. And suspicous. I shrug. She tries to light it again but fails. Talk about tension.

 

She sighs, then tries one more time.

 

"I wouldn't do that," a gravelly voice says from behind me. Calico looks up from the lighter in irritation. I can't see most of her face, but I can imagine her becoming white under her mask. She drops the lighter.

 

Batman steps in front of me. He too, has a gas mask, although this one apparently allows him to talk.

"Calico Rivera."

 

"Batman." She replies. I stare at the both of them.

 

"Yes, Joker, we can talk in these masks. I didn't tell Sawyer and Waylon because they would have never _shut up."_ Calico quickly looks at me while she's saying this. Then she glares at Batman again.

 

"Who gave you the heads up?"

 

Batsy doesn't even look at me. "I have my sources. Calico, you realize what you're about to do?"

 

"I do." She says. This is getting boring. It's almost like they're having a civilized conversation.

 

"You'll die." Bats growls.

 

"That's a chance I'm willing to take." She stoops to pick up the lighter, but Batsy grabs it before she can. She snarls at him, then whips out a gun. Big mistake.

 

With a flick of Batsy's wrist, the gun is on the floor. Batsy slowly picks it up. Calico looks mad for a second, then she smiles.

 

A bang echoes through the sewer. For a second, I think that Batman's finally done it; he's finally used a gun. But then I see him wince, ever so slightly, and cover his right arm more tightly with his cape.

 

"How'd ya like that, Batman?" Sawyer says from behind him. "I engineered that gun specificly for you. Cracks through the toughest armor." I can practically hear him grinning.

 

"Sawyer... Remember our deal...." I warn. "I know, I know." He moans. 

Suddenly, Batsy spins around and lands a clean uppercut punch. Sawyer staggers. Then his eyes harden, and he takes a swing at Batman. Batman dodges, then takes Sawyer and shoves him into the sewer water. Luckily for Sawyer, he can swim. Unluckily, the current is too strong and he's caried downstream.

 

Calico scoffs. "Careless move, Batman."

 

"Was it?" Batman challenges. She pounces at him. He ducks, then lands three solid punches before she blocks him punches him the face. They move towards me. I back up a little. Something grabs my ankle. It's pretty strong. I try to kick it, but it just grabs me harder. Dang it.  I should have known I would get too close to the water.

 

"Doll! Now!" Calico yells. I begin to fumble for an explosive doll, but since I'm doing so, I forget momentarily about the person (it's Sawyer, I'm sure of it), that's grabbing my foot. That's all he needs. Two milliseconds later, I'm underwater.

 

*****

 

A muffled yell comes from above. Then I'm moving. Fast. I'm losing the little air I have left. I try to kick the person one more time but fail.

 

Then suddenly I'm breathing air, and I'm laying on a solid surface. I put my hand in one of my pockets and draw out a gun. I usually don't use guns, but desperate times and all that.

 

I sit and aim at Sawyer. I hear yells in the backround, not that it's gonna stop me. This is it. I'm gonna kill... Gordon?!?

 

"What the-" I start to say, then someone tackles me.

 

"Liam!" Gordon yells. Someone relucantly gets off of me. That someone is the nervous looking man who told Gordon that Calico was waiting for me on Friday. He looks down at me. I want to kick myself.  Of course the person who grabbed me was Gordon. Sawyer didn't even know that I was on Gordon's side.

 

I stand up, now aware that there are other officers around us, and every single one of them is pointing their gun at me. Gordon signals at them to lower their guns, and they do.

 

"Why'd you pull me under?" I ask the commissioner.

 

"Like we established yesterday, you're not staying in the sewers any longer than nessary."

 

"I never agreed to that."

 

"You agreed to the plan in general."

 

"Well, maybe now I disagree." I cross my arms. "The fight was just getting really good."

 

"You would have been killed."

 

"You don't know that."

 

"JOKER!" He thunders, "No means no! Or do you want to get arrested?!?! Because if so, I'd be happy to take you into custody!" I unfold my arms.

 

"Joker." Someone else says. It's Sawyer, and _man_ does he look bad. He's soaking wet, and he looks even bigger than before, if that's possible. If he wasn't wearing handcuffs, I'm sure I would be dead.

 

"I knew you'd betray us. 'Tried to warn Calico, too. But she only listens to _Waylon,_ and _he_ trusted you. So we did nothing." He starts telling me this quietly, but his voice raises in volume until he's screaming at me. Passersby gape at us. Gordon notices too.

 

"Take a picture, why dont you? It'll last longer!" He hollers up at them. They look to the ground. He's still staring up at them when Sawyer breaks free and lunges at me. I jump a little, and in doing so, pull the trigger of the gun. The bullet hits him in the leg. He roars in pain, but keeps coming. I scramble back, then shoot again. It barely misses his shoulder. I shoot again, but then realize the barrels empty. Dang it. I hear a cock of another gun, but Sawyer spins around and shoots before the police officer can get a shot. The officer crumples to the ground. While Sawyer's distracted, I take a doll  and prepare to throw it. He turns around again, unfortunately. I begin to throw it anyway. There's a bang, but it isn't my doll. Pain shoots up my arm. Curse whoever wasnt holding their gun tightly. I grit my teeth, but drop the doll. It explodes by my feet, and I fly backwards.

 

"Joker!" Gordon yells. I groan and stagger to my feet. The smoke is covering everything. It's almost like one of those smoke bombs that Batsy uses to disapear. That gives me an idea. Gripping my arm, I run through the sewers. I'm getting really annoyed with everyone. I just wanna have my one and a half days off already. I hear Sawyer yelling at me, and Gordon yelling at both of us. So much for a smoke screen. However, I'm more focused on what im hearing in front of me, which is Calico cursing, and Batman being silent. This silence is unoffficaly called the "I'm too busy fighting you to say anything" silence. I can barely hear them though, because Sawyer is making such a loud racket with his feet.

 

Batsy and Calico come in to view.

 

"CALICO! CALICO!" Sawyer booms. She turns, but before she turns all the way, I use my good arm to throw cards at her. She screams. Then she realizes _who_ threw the cards, and everything clicks.

 

"So you _were_ lying to us. Well, that's fine. You'll just DIE!" She yanks a batarang from the wall and throws it at me. Miracously, it misses me and hits Sawyer instead. He howls in pain, then shoots her in the collarbone. She hisses.

 

"How dare y- you know what?!? I'm done. All of you will die." And with that, she takes out the lighter she miraculously won back from Batsy, gets a match, and lights it on fire. Batsy swings at her, but she dodges him, and throws it at a pipe.

 

Gordon has caught up to us, but he's odly quiet. Must be the shock.

 

"NO!" Calico yells. I turn back to see the match burning, but only barely.

 

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Calico screams at me.

 

"The Joker didn't do anyhing," Batsy answers for me. "Gordon and I did what you were supposed to do; we cleaned the sewer of bad air. There seemed to be a lot of oxygen down here, though, which was odd." Batman says. My mouth drops open. Batsy told a joke. Kinda.

 

"B-but... The meter-" Calico says.

 

"The meter was completely messed up due to something in the watch." Batman replies. Calico stomps her foot.

 

********

After some grumbling and yelling, Sawyer, Calico, and Waylon are arrested. As soon as Gordon escorts them away, I whirl around to stare at Bats, who, miraculously, is still here.

 

"You made a joke, Batsy! " I say in wonder. The corners or his mouth twich upward the tiniest bit.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about." He says, his voice a little less gravelly than before.

 

"You should get that checked." He says abruptly, points at my arm, which is still bleeding, although not as much as more.

 

"So should you." I say. Sawyer was right when he said that his gun could go through armor. It only skimmed Batman though. 

"I've suffered worse." He hides his arm again.

"So have I." I grin.

 

"You're impossible." He growls.

 

"I know." My grin widens. He sighs.

 

"Well, at least take some bandages and disinfectant." He reaches into his utility belt and hands them to me.

 

"You have everything in there, don't you?" I say taking them from him.

 

"Perhaps." He says. A bomb goes off somewhere. Batsy turns his head sharply.  I laugh.

 

"Don't worry. At least too much. I had to create a distraction for Calico, so I told Harley and some others that the Queen of Gniyl was in Wayne Tower." I smile, but his disapears. He mutters something like great, and gets out his grappling hook. He looks at me.

"I'm guessing you're not joining our side?"

"Nope." 

"Then we never speak of this incident again. Understand?"

"Obviously." I say. He nsods curtly, and with that, he's gone.

*******

My arm was stiched up by Harley, who escaped the Tower before Bats showed up. She didn't ask any questions, but narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously.

 

Now, one week later,  Batsy and I are at  it yet again. He chases me into a a dead end.

"Uh oh......" I grin at Batman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Final chapter, wooo! I hope you enjoyed The Agent Of Chaos. I've got to say, writing as the Joker has been A LOT of fun. I'm so sorry I couldn't post the final chapter until today, there's just been a bunch going on. Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes in the last few chapters- I've been writing this on my phone due to the fact that I currently don't have access to a computer. All in all, this story has been so much fun writing, and I hope you had as much fun reading it! See you in my next fan fic!  
> -Oki Ashi


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